Books

I'm looking for a list of good books on infertility, PCOS, etc. Not that it will help to read up on it. I just want to know why I can't carry my babies to term and if there is any hope for me to have a child biologically or if adoption is my only option.

I've already ordered the one by Melissa Ford.

So anyone with any suggestions, please let me know. I know several of you have had multiple miscarriages and have PCOS and some of you have started to deal with infertility doctors and I know that you know more than I do about that road.

This week has been one of the hardest of my life. Monday was my due date and there has been so much drama and crap going on here that every day was a harder hit to me. I'm barely holding on, but I know that I can't change the past...only the future.

I know the reality of me having my own baby biologically is next to none at this point since I've been told to not even attempt to get pregnant again until I see a RE and have tests run. I hemorrhaged so bad with the miscarriage in December that it was bad...not to mention the cysts, infections, and other swell stuff that I've been dealing with since. However, I'm open to learning and researching of what I need to do, ask, and seek. It's all I can do besides allowing the grief to overwhelm me and wanting to crawl in a hole and stay there.

So I'm asking for help...seeking advice and hoping that somehow and someway I can find an answer to why...

Due date

Today is my twin's due date, but I won't be bringing them home or holding them. I won't get to hear their first cries.

Every where I looked there was something about babies, twins, babies dying, or expectant moms. I had to pick movies after I spent time trying to find something to watch that didn't have anything to do with babies.

Today was different than the three other due dates...it isn't just about the day my babies were due, it's also a haunting reminder that we still don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't carry to term. There have been health issues related to this, but none of them should have caused me to miscarry every time I get pregnant. I've been advised to not get pregnant again since I had some pretty major issues when I lost the twins.

I miss you, Tho.mas Cra.ig. and Dil.ana Har.mony. I love you both so much and would give anything to have you both healthy and in my arms tonight.

Happy Belated Birthday Cara!

I just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. I hope you got everything you desired and wanted and your day was filled with peace, love, and happiness.

Thank you for everything you do. You are an angel!

I am here and very tired.

I feel like I've been offline for months. I'm having some pretty serious computer issues, like having to actually find a new one. I still haven't found one yet.

Things here have been crazy. The twin's due date is coming up on Monday. I'm dreading that day.

For now, I'm exhausted and have not a whole lot to say. I will be back soon to type a better blog. Hopefully, complete with pictures.