The reason I am still able to live in a world with babies...

I was thinking a few days ago as I was holding the newest addition to my extended family of how I could possibly be able to live in a world where everywhere I look there is a baby or a child that is the age that one of my angel babies would be. Earlier I received a comment regarding being able to cheer on expecting moms. So I figured now would be a good time to write this blog.

In the midst of all of the sadness and tragic stories about loss, there is one thing that has kept me from running and hiding in a hole for the rest of my life. One thing that keeps me from throwing up my arms and exclaiming that I'm done trying to conceive. One thing that keeps me from completely allowing the grief to overwhelm me every second. There is one thing that keeps me from slapping the ignorant people out in the world that just doesn't understand that even though my babies are angels and weren't carried to term or born crying before being placed in my arms that I am STILL a mother that has to stay in the shadows because so many people have so many questions, looks, and opinions that usually hit me the wrong way. That one thing is...

THE SUCCESS STORIES OF THOSE THAT ARE FIGHTING IF AND WINNING!

When I read that someone has successfully carried and birthed their baby or that their adoption has went through....it brings that tiny ounce of hope to me that makes me think that someday, someway, I'll have a baby or child of my own to watch grow and nurture.

That is what makes me go back and cheer on those fellow folks in the land of IF. That is what makes me smile when I hear good news, that someone is getting their miracle baby or their miracle child. That makes me find some hope in that I may find a way through this horrible journey.

There are days I can't face it and be a cheerleader, but I am glad that being able to support and cheer on expecting moms helps me more than knocking me down. Yes, it IS a double edge sword that can make one feel both emotions at the same time. I would be miserable all of the time if I allowed it to affect me negatively every moment I am exposed to expecting parents, new babies, toddlers, and children.

So to those of you that are expecting your baby or child, thank you for giving me hope. I wish you all the best in the world and am so glad that you are finding the happiness and joy you've been so desperately trying to find.