Why does my body hate me?

Well, I'm not sure what to even think, much less feel right now...I'm torn.

The ultrasound shows that one of the twins miscarried. It's apparently something called Vanishing Twin Syndrome. My body is supposed to absorb the remains of the baby that miscarried and shouldn't hurt the living one.

I'm numb and heartbroken and yet I know I need to be strong and thrilled about sweet pea still fighting to stay with me. It's hard for me to believe that just two weeks ago I saw them both and heard their heartbeats...today there was only one baby and one heartbeat.

One of the most bittersweet sounds I've ever heard and seen.

So my dear little sweet pea, please fight to stay with me...I don't know why my body hates being pregnant. I love it, I love the morning sickness, the feeling of knowing that a miracle is being created inside of me...I love hearing the heartbeats and seeing the little one develop week=by=week. I just don't understand why my body hates it so much So, please my dear sweet pea, please fight to stay with me. Don't leave me like your little sibling did...I love you. You don't know it yet, but I love you...just like I've loved your four siblings that just couldn't make it through the first tri-mester.

My blood pressure is still really high, we are monitoring it closely and I'm instructed to stay in bed as much as I can...

On a side note, one of my friends that is due on Jan. 7 had to be taken to the University hospital about an hour and a half away. Her blood pressure went through the roof and they are afraid they will have to induce labor or take the baby by C-section. They don't know what they are having because they wanted to wait, but I do know the little one's lungs aren't developed enough yet to be outside of the womb.

I feel like I'm rambling and I can't see the monitor for the tears.