Happy New Year

I just want to wish everyone a very healthy, prosperous, and Happy New Year. May this year bring you everything your heart desires and may we see a baby boom in the families that are so desperately trying to have babies.

I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Dangerous, I know. I know I can't really begin to heal until after my babies' remains are released (probably next week because they are backed up due to the holidays.) I have come to terms with that, even though I'm not a very patient person when it comes to things like this. The waiting, whether it is in a hospital with a sick or injured person, or the time between a death and the final dealings of the funeral and estate, is hell for me. Always has been draining on me. Hospitals and funeral homes were almost a third home for me (mine was first, my grandparent's was second). I had a friend tell me I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. I don't think anyone ever gets used to being around sickness and death. Back to the topic at hand, I believe once we get the remains and cremate them, then I can start to heal.

I am going to lose weight. I got a head start the last week or so. I'm going to be putting aside $1 (Hell, maybe even $5) a pound and will hopefully lose at least 100 pounds. I've struggled with my weight since I was a kid. A big comfort eater. Anyway, I will be donating the money to some worthy cause. It is a big motivation for me because losing weight is hard for me. Metabolism issues and if I look at food, I gain a pound. So I will have to excercise more than most.

I've been rather busy, too. There are two elderly family members that are not doing well. One is in her late 90s and has been beating, harassing, cussing, and all of the other things that go along with Alzheimer's to her caretaker. She's really failed in the last few months. To the point where it is time for the nursing home. It is sad because I know her caregiver, another elderly family member, wants to keep her at home, but since she's determined to throw herself down when she doesn't get her way and that she's convinced that the caregiver is trying to poison her and not take her medication, I don't see how she can stay at home and receive the proper care she needs without the danger of her beating the caregiver with her cane (which I know has happened at least once.) So within the next week or two, we will be trying to get her into a nursing home.

I found out that little miss snotty cousin of mine is due the day after my birthday. I'm torn on that because it would be neat (and absolutely kill my cousin and her hubby) if the baby is born on my birthday, but I don't know if I could stand to look at the child at birthday parties and relive that pain on my birthday (which is bad enough because something bad ALWAYS happens on my birthday). I'm just not sure I can handle the extra pain of knowing my babies, should be a month older and should be celebrating everything along with hers.

There I said it. I hate thinking it, but I do.

I have already decided that this child will be getting lots of noisy presents...complete with messy things and battery operated items where the screw that holds the battery compartments is stripped. Being musically inclined, I already have a set of drums, whistles, etc that I bought for when I substituted and gave lesons and since I don't use it any more, it might as well make someone happy. (I know it will take a few years for the baby to grow into it, but the 'evil' cousin is going to spoil that kid rotten and give mom and dad a real reason to be assholes to me.)

Now I'm off to research some charities that I want to donate money to in my twins' names (once and hopefully we find out if the other twin was a boy or a girl.)

Love to those who have been there for me. Your support means the world to me. Thank you so much.